From the outside it’s easy to think that somebody’s got it all figured out…
You see from first glance..
My skin is intentionally perfected and a smile is brushed upon my face showing I must not have a care in the world…
Like it’s expected for my demons to be worn like a scarlet letter pinned to my chest. And they assume that if you cannot see it, its not really there.
As if pain doesn’t exist unless you’re bleeding out, your leg is held still in a cast or you’re staggering with a limp.
But sometimes, the most painful demons are the ones inside.. that you can’t see.
So we learn how to smile, grin and bare it.
Because nobody likes to talk about the tough stuff.. hell I don’t even like to talk about the tough stuff.
My anxiety feels like FIRE
Unexplainably hot, rash and frustrating.
It feels like FOREVER.
I’m trying to find the problem, but most of the time there isn’t a problem at all. There is no life or death situation.. no rhyme or reason. Just feelings. And I’m feeling them ALL at once.
They ask are you okay?
I respond as quickly as I can
so they don’t notice my slight pause
my rehearsed response is, “yes I’m fine” because that’s the easiest answer..
instead of explaining what’s really going on in my mind that is distracting me from the reality of the world I live in “I’m fine” is satisfactory and leaves me off the hook to explaining the truth.
Some days are better than others…
some are far.. far..worse
But there just days.. and I’ve got more where they came from.